She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
