i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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