I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Come share oat with me in your robe
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
