At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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