you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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