Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
