but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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