I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
