Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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