I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
