in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My liver just broke up with me...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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