I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
