sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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