remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
