I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
