You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
