hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
