...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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