shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
