Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
