If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
