Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
