Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
