I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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