And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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