Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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