I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
