so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Everyone says I win the strip club
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
