I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
