you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
