Who wears a wallet chain?!
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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