Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
