I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
