It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I need a burrito and a hug.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
