p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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