for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
