trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
