I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
