you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Randomize
