Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
