I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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