my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
