you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
