If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
