i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
