remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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