We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
