I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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