My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
