her vagine was all disorganized.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
